In spite of the bait I just threw, spiced with a slight loss of temper, Leomi doesn’t bite. She remains calm and shifts position just enough to remind me how wonderfully naked she is. Her breasts barely bounce which shows how firm they are.
I take a shivering inhalation. There is no way she didn’t do that on purpose. Remaining still or attempting seduction is her answer to my volatile temper, or trying to talk it out but that hasn’t worked well very often. I can’t help but glance down.
Her bronze skin is pure, fully exposed to my sight, bare of hair or flaw, and tempting beyond measure. I savor her stomach’s sculpted muscles but my eyes stop on the crest I carved where her very lower belly and right thigh join. My anger can’t help but cool down. I tighten my grip on her chest.
“That was unfair.” I pout. But, evidently, a good way to handle me.
“Not as much as you trying to put words in my mouth before I even get to explain.” Leomi replies with a tender smile I would never believe she could make on this subject.
“When did you ever find the time to shave?” I ask, baffled.
“For you? I made the time.” Leomi grins. She briefly leans down to kiss the clean cross-shaped pale scars on the left side of my chest.
“I had to give it up.” The words roll off my tongue before I can think to stop them. “To become a monster that survives.”
“You are no monster.” She shakes her head, making her straight black hair wave. A good choice, not to argue that point further. “It feels wrong but it isn’t physical repulsion. I don’t want to have any contact with these parasites…” She pauses, clearly swallowing the words ‘and neither should you.’ “But, I’m not narrow-minded.” She tells me with a fierce voice.
I blink, stunned by the implications. I feel her lanky fingers tremble on my chest because of how strongly she’s restraining herself from hurting me to relieve herself of anger. The fact she is infuriated that I would think she’s rejecting the parasite out of bias further throws me off.
“You think me akin to those who hurl insults at our backs?” Leomi asks spitefully. “My rejection of that parasite isn’t a contemptible reaction of rejection towards what I don’t know or understand!” She exclaims, getting heated up. “I can’t have you think that of me.” She adds, almost to herself but with no less guile.
I swallow my saliva, feeling dismayed as culpability mixes with the concrete hope she’s giving me. I don’t entirely believe her, of course, how could I after the hostility she’s expressed towards the Rykz and the Little one? Yet, there is no deception on her face, no lie in her words, nor treachery on her traits.
It seems probable to me that she would rather exterminate the prejudice in her heart by forcefully altering who she is rather than have to admit to herself that she has behaved like those she despises and hates the most, like those who hurt me so much as I grew up.
Not so long ago, I would have apologized. It would have temporarily fixed this and been a mistake because neither of us could be satisfied by my dishonesty, it would eat at us and make us more likely to clash.
Instead, I watch her intense posture, seeking a way to get her to continue explaining herself without sounding like I don’t believe her or saying anything I don’t sincerely mean.
I decide to borrow a trick from her bag since, after all, she’s attracted to me. I could use some cuddling to soothe the painful itch in my heart and she could appreciate cuddling me with how controlling she is.
I turn over to lie on my belly without breaking eye contact. Leomi does, however, her eyes trail down to her name on my lower back and then go further towards my behind. Her hands already busy exploring.
“Where did you get these?” She murmurs, losing track of the conversation as her fingers trail over my scars. It baffles me that doing this is enough to make her flustered.
“One self-inflicted… only one, I think.” I respond. “The rest are from fights and complications.” I add, certain she’ll know what I mean.
Leomi’s expression flickers, the hand supporting her clenches into a fist but she merely takes a deep breath and gets up on her knees. She soon mounts over me and sits down on my back.
Her flesh is cold compared to mine, I’m quite glad she has my heat to warm her up. She pulls my attention to my back by leaning down and pressing her moist womanhood on me in a very deliberate manner until her nipples poke at my shoulder blades.
The confirmation of her arousal raises my spirits to the point where I feel foolish to have been concerned about being rejected. The slight amount of dew on her flower makes her actions even naughtier.
Still, this kind of flirting is quite innocent for us, it’s pleasurable to have reached a point where we can accept each other like this with each other without shame or losing ourselves to lust.
Our bond is becoming much stronger. Neither of us would have been able to keep our word to abstain if we did this the first day we reunited, and it would have come with worse consequences considering our states back then.
Right now, we both have exactly what we want from this relationship. Leomi is making me feel loved and freely accepted; while I am… I pause, quite shaken by the realization of how simple my three personalities are compared to her single but chaotic and contradicting personality.
Unlike me, she doesn’t want to be given acceptance but to force it when she wants it. I’m a being who can fight, restrain, or allow her controlling impulses, a being she can love without needing to constantly keep herself in check.
Someone that didn’t judge her, that kept loving her even through insanity, that took revenge enough for her to forgive herself, that can defeat her when she needs to be. Who else could be that person for her? Only us. I will destroy any other that attempts it.
“That parasitic limb, it feels wrong.” Leomi says with a coarse voice.
I tense even though she won’t hurt me at this moment. She immediately blows into my ear. I squirm at the ticklish sensation, feeling a burst of affection at how easily she dispelled my discomfort.
“Explain.” I mutter.
“It’s unacceptable, to me, that you would ruin your beauty with something that isn’t you.” She explains as she starts massaging my shoulders.
It doesn’t escape me that she avoided saying ‘health’ nor that she was careful enough to add that it’s her opinion, not an affirmation. I could take it as her manipulating the way I react but I can only see her precautions as proof of her respect and affection for me. As I enjoy her thumbs working my flesh, I decide not to confront her inability to accept my death.
“But a monster you are not.” Leomi affirms aggressively.
Even Liz, who occasionally enjoys making the worst possible decision, doesn’t even consider fighting her over this after hearing the threat and conviction in her voice.
“I may not be a monster.” I hesitantly tell her, not quite able to believe she got me to admit this. “But whatever I am with the parasite, you are no less right now.” I gather momentum, even as she attempts to mark my bones by planting her short but sharp nails in my flesh. “You’re screwed up, sadistic, but I love you. You know how much I need you to accept me, don’t deny it.”
She squeezes my shoulders in acknowledgment, I’m not sure if she intended to cause me further hurt at first but my cry surely didn’t get her to stop using her nails. It takes me a bit to shift gears in my head and let the stabbing pain enjoyably course through me because I wasn’t in that kind of mood.
Leomi pulls her nails back after a while and kisses my skin where she vented her temper. She resumes massaging me with a tenderness that should be impossible for someone as twisted as she is. I shift gears again to relax and let myself be spoiled despite the fact that it leaves me open, increasing the risk that she’ll want to hurt me.
She neither apologizes nor do I ask her to thank me for allowing her, these things no longer need to be said or remain unsaid, they don’t enter consideration. Our love is beyond unreasonable and needs to be all-encompassing to function, which is why this conversation matters so much.
“Accept all that I am in the same way I never judge who you are.” I demand of her, counting on the accuracy of my read on her.
“You don’t judge me?” Leomi asks. I hear a trace of doubt and longing in her voice but there are more emotions which are buried too deep for me to recognize.
“No. I’ve hated and loved as well as been furious and afraid in our relationship, but I have never condemned you for who you are, only what you’ve done.” I reply, pouring my heart out to help her and myself.
“I…” She hesitates, no doubt out of disbelief. “Really?”
I don’t respond, she would further suspect me if I tried too hard to convince her of the truth. It takes her a while to accept what I’ve said, yet she never forgets to keep caressing my shoulders even as water drops fall on my upper back.
I almost start crying as well as I realize how much she tortures herself for who she is. Perhaps the reason Leomi doesn’t seek to be accepted but rather respected and admired is that she can’t accept herself with how harshly she judges herself, even on impulses she hasn’t acted on. I’m not sure it makes sense, but it’s my interpretation of her.
“I, I am trying to, but…” She chokes on her words.
I feel disappointed by the answer but not by her because I am aware that it is greed for me to want her to accept the parasite as part of me. The mere fact she’s discussing this in half-words is more than I thought I could get.
It matters not to me that there is no end to the efforts I will need to make in order to make the two beings I love happy. It is a consequence of my choices and inability to give up on them. I will strive to make them both as happy as I am able for as long as they don’t give up on me.
“I, I may need, to be, made to. For it, to happen.” Leomi confesses in a broken fearful whisper.
Her words stun us both as even her hands stop massaging me. I flip around. I feel her wet sex rub along my side but even that isn’t enough to distract me from what she just said.
Leomi’s face is blank and her expression listless, there are traces of the tears she shed earlier but what she forced herself to say seems to have taken all her energy. It is obvious to me that asking for details, for an explanation, is more than she can give me.
I can no more pressure her past this point than she could give up on me. It’s certain that she only said it because of what I just told her. She won’t repeat herself a second time, not when this involves telling me that she won’t voluntarily agree to the Little one with the implication that pushing her past what she can tolerate might work.
She’s just as crazy as we are. While we’ll never forget, neither can we ever inflict this on her. We’ll find another way. My Leomi just proved herself more than worthy of the trust Elizabeth extended to her after her betrayal without much basis other than love.
I’ve learned a lot about how she functions inside yet I know less. I said it, she’s as insane as we are, it’s all we need to know. I said that. I forcefully wrench ourselves out of our mind and back into the present and Leomi’s empty light gray eyes.
“Why did you lie about earlier, my beauty?” I ask provocatively to give her a way out.
Leomi doesn’t react immediately but she starts swaying. I sit up and wrap my arm around her back to caress the name I engraved in her back, starting where her sword severed my left arm from my body. Her lips slowly awaken to make a smile. I kiss the spot between her breasts, using my nose to nudge her at the same time.
“Beauty.” Leomi murmurs hazily. “You’re beautiful, cute and mischievous.”
I melt inside as she gives me the words I have longed to receive for so long. I’ll celebrate by taking care of her. I push her to make her lie back down in the bed but she starts falling so I have to use all my strength to present her from impacting the mat too hard.
After joining her side, I lift her head up so that she rests on my belly facing me. I wrap the blankets we threw aside around us and keep her warm. I find her clear gaze when I look down. I wonder when she woke but it doesn’t truly matter, what matters is…
“Come on, you love making me love you even more.” I encourage her.
Leomi nods lightly but it doesn’t feel like she’s listening or intends to please me with praises because her eyes are flickering between my breast and the flat ruined expanse of my left chest.
“You’re perfect, my Jay.” She tells me.
I feel a hot wave as I realize that she may have interpreted my request for compliments according to her own desires. She confirms it by moving to my left side and kisses my scars a few times.
She then lays the side of her head on my arm and reaches for my nipple with her tongue out. She uses a mere lick to make it rise before wrapping her lips around it, thankfully not going any further.
She places her right hand where my left arm was, throwing me a questioning look. As she is apparently asking for permission, I give it by sliding my arm under hers to take hold of her breast. We lie there, silent and naked under the blankets for a long while.
Leomi ends up closing her eyes and probably falling asleep because she starts absently nibbling my nipple. She occasionally closes her teeth around it to give it a mean jerk that startles and excites me.
But, most of all, I feel happiness at the two of us being able to be so free with each other. It goes beyond what I ever expected I could have. In my fantasies, never did I imagine being in a relationship without taboo with a woman.
I didn’t even know I desired this or that it was possible for two beings to be together without hiding their faults. My grin remains for hours on end as Leomi naps, or drowses, while playing with my breast.
I could return the favor but merely holding one of hers and leaving myself available to her is enough to make me the happiest woman in the world now that she’s so completely obliterated my fears that she would be disgusted by me.
She does stop playing around the time when the sun sets. She starts drooling on me not long after, which I find completely adorable and irresistible when added to the peaceful look on her face.
This is a secret I’ll hold precious over any other because she might deprive me of the joy of seeing her like this if I were to tell her. I stare for at least an hour but I tragically sneeze and she wakes up. I swiftly use the blanket to wipe the saliva off the corner of her lips and my breast before she opens her eyes.
“Mhm.” Leomi sighs, using her arm to swipe the blankets off our bodies.
“Did you really have to do that?” I say, worried because she’ll get colder.
“It embarrasses you.” She tells me like it’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.
“You’re really immodest.” I berate her teasingly.
“You’re beautiful and I’m gorgeous so I want us to admire each other, and also to engrave you in my mind.” Leomi praises us without a shred of shame.
“Then…” I feel my cheeks turn bright red, which makes Leomi stare with wolfish eyes. “If, if you like it so much… I’ll shave it all for you.” I utter, completely embarrassed.
“You can’t back down.” Leomi utters with a serious tone that feels completely inappropriate for such a frivolous exchange. But then again, we’ve been inappropriate almost since we met. “Or I’ll do it myself.” She threatens.
“No way. I’m not even going to let you watch.” I deny.
“But…” Leomi protests.
“No.” I interrupt her, putting my foot down because she’s far too unbridled for me.
“Okay.” She backs down with a kiss on my breast, looking no less pleased by me.
“Why are you so…” I hesitate to ask, she might be conscious about her tendency to be public about us. “Open?” I finish because we shouldn’t keep these things to ourselves and all I have to do is be understanding if she needs me to be.
“I liked people admiring me while aware they can’t have me.” Leomi casually tells me.
She would have succeeded in hiding her concern about my reaction if I didn’t know her well enough to catch her eyebrows lowering by a fraction as she looks up to me.
“Wicked woman.” I tell her with a grin.
“It gave me a sense of power.” She continues, her unfair abysmal loving eyes fixed into mine. She’s observing me as intently as I am watching her so I leave myself open, not even attempting to conceal the fact it amuses but doesn’t arouse me. “Now, I want the world to see us, to be jealous that we own each other and that none are allowed to intrude. The risk of being challenged, the control over you, it’s a powerful aphrodisiac.” She explains.
Even if I wasn’t foolish enough to let my traits react to my emotions, I never could have hidden the fact that her words make me feel worried and guilty, because of Celyz, because even now I refuse to consider letting go of either of them.
Leomi’s smile narrows so she clearly didn’t miss it, yet she does not mention it or even speak a word. I feel the strong need to say something, to explain, to alleviate my guilt, but I don’t because it is clear that my kitten is either toying with the mess I created or is waiting for the right time to pounce.
Either way, I am in the complete wrong so the best thing I can do for her is nothing. As I almost crumble from the weight of my conflicting feelings, Leomi rescues me by starting to kiss my scars one at a time.
“You never did tell me where some of these came from.” She uses the soft air of her words to caress me but the comment is a command.
I could easily reject her and she would accept it. But she might feel diminished because at this point my only reason to keep my mouth shut is to spare her feelings which she clearly doesn’t want me to since she’s the one pushing for answers.