I awaken to a growling stomach and a muted pain in my upper left side, a sensation like a million ants clawing at my bones. I try to rise but my chest muscles seize, causing a cramp-like feeling in my muscles like they’re stretching to the breaking point.
The blanket that was laid on me slips to the side as I fall back down, vanquished. I bring my right hand up to my forehead, it feels a bit hot but it’s hard to compare to myself, I’m a bit sweaty too. The internal wounds from when Celyz removed the fused tendrils have healed rather quickly even if I’m still a bit stiff there, why haven’t these injuries?
I try to use my symbiont’s sense but the Little one doesn’t respond. My left limb actually isn’t moving at all, it seems to be slumbering. I attempt to pierce the darkness with my eyes but it so complete that even enhancing my eyesight isn’t doing the trick.
“Celyz?” I call out in a trembling voice.
Minutes that feel like eternity go by without a response. I expel my flow out in waves, finding that I’ve only a little less than twenty portions left in my reserve. That fact along with the darkness, the symbiont’s unresponsiveness, and Celyz’ absence throws me into a panic.
They’ve taken all my clothes away, apart from my underwear. What, what if I’m… I’m no longer useful? I expand my waves of energy, using the fact that the golden-black energy no longer registers to my eyes when it enters solid objects to take stock of my surroundings.
I’m still in Celyz’ study. She, she wouldn’t abandon me. Why shouldn’t she? I’ve clawed at her core like Leomi has since we’ve met, she wants a relationship, not the kind of madness I thrive on.
If there was ever a time to get rid of me, it’s now. No one will go looking for me until I fail to show up at the rendezvous I set with Leomi, I’ve not shared my plans to stick around for a little while at least.
Knowing that this is paranoia isn’t making it any easier to handle my crazed thoughts. I’m sure the Rykz could find a loophole in our agreements to get rid of me but why leave me alone here if that’s the case?
Celyz wouldn’t… but what about the others? Fenyz was about to rip the Little one out of me, Cetyz likely resents me for depriving her of her revenge, the rest wanted to remain here until they secured a path through the Lisilese grasslands.
I’m an inconvenience that keeps hurting one of their sisters. Just like I’m now a handicap for Izla Meria as Edusa said. It isn’t even only about my status but also what I’ve done.
The gold I obtained is going to be offset by the taxes Cenwalh set on trade between Duchies, not to mention that the roads will be increasingly used and north-south trade goes through Meiridin.
Leomi said my demonstration with the game of Shah gave Nobility a different perspective but I don’t value that, the solution is to eliminate the titles and privileges. I’m worse than dead-weight for humans and Rykz alike.
Enough self-pity, Mother taught me to act, not wallow. If I am to die this day or one in the near future, then I have to do what I can to leave something of worth behind.
I shape a signaling construct to start working on the plow concept I’ve started putting together, doing my best to set aside the itch crawling around the Little one’s tendrils.
I soon find out that my best isn’t enough as it takes me over an hour to recreate what I’ve set down on parchment, the acute pain and my fear for my situation proving too much of a distraction. Maybe, maybe Celyz is… The Rykz are going to dissect me to recover the Little one and find out how to best provide it to a better host.
Have I hurt her that much that she would allow it? Of course I have, I took revenge but remain tied to my Lady, destroying Celyz’ last hopes by clearly demonstrating to her that all my plans for the future revolve around Leomi. I should have kept Celyz entirely out of it.
I need to work while I still have time. I focus back on my signaling construct, I add a wheel between the two plow’s heads which will be in contact with the ground and serve to spin a gear that will regulate the speed at which the seeding mechanism turns, bypassing the need for a fine-tuned construct.
I feel a rush at turning the institute’s tools for horror into something for good, unfortunately, it reminds me of the stinging pain I experience with each breath back to the forefront of my mind, breaking my concentration.
“Kh.” I grunt.
Will she do it herself? Of course she would, thankfully I’m too weak to fight so I won’t be injuring her in desperation as long as I don’t have flow. I burn my unstructured energy by directing it to create a time field, only noticing the effect because one of my short inhalations extends slightly longer than it should.
I hear someone approaching, recognizing a Princess’ steps echo in the tunnel. I tense and, as I foresaw, forget all my resolve not to fight back. I push through stretching, scorching, cramp pains seizing my muscles to throw myself over the bed’s frame.
I repress a scream as my back hits the hard earthly ground. I roll on my belly and dismantle my signaling construct, destroying an hour or more of work, to shape the energy into a small lightning construct that might be able to stun a large dog and an even tinier fire construct to be able to see.
I forge onward, crawling. I‘ll survive. I shake my torso to try to awaken the Little one. My painful effort is to no avail, my left arm dangles uselessly. No matter, I can still… what? Do something. I transfer the lightning construct to my right palm and drag myself towards the door.
The Princess is approaching, I’m likely in her range of detection but the wall is thick so I probably haven’t been noticed yet. I grit my teeth and settle right next to the circular door, preparing to assault whatever being comes through.
The steps stop in front of the door and it starts rotating soon after. I bring my right hand down on my left biceps and activate the lightning construct. The Little one snaps awake, immediately coiling on itself.
I crumble to my side as a harsh pain impales my heart like a metal spike. My vision grows hazy and the fire construct I’ve been directly controlling shatters. The Little one was supposed to buy me some time, not incapacitate me, what, what do I do? The cool substance is spreading but even the slight euphoria it brings isn’t quite enough to fight my agony away.
“Jessica?” Celyz worriedly calls out as she walks in. My irrational terror vanishes like snow in the summer sun at the sound of her resounding voice.
“Slz.” I croak out, trying to say her name.
“What happened?!” She exclaims.
Celyz hurriedly deposits a pile of clothes and a platter of food on the ground. She leans down over me, reaching out with her tendrils but stopping short of making contact as the Little one remains wound up, trembling as it takes stock of its situation.
“I set it to sleep to let you heal naturally, how did it awaken?” Celyz asks in a quiet voice.
“Mh bad.” I grunt.
She slowly pulls her appendages away, apparently very careful not to startle the Little one or seem aggressive. She passes them under my knees and waist, lifting me up to carry me back to the bed while keeping her distance with the defensive symbiont.
“I, kh.” I cough. “Drk.”
“Dark?” Celyz asks.
I very, very, slowly nod so as not to pull too much on the painful spot at the base of my skull where the symbiont’s tendril connects. Celyz gently deposes me on the sheet mattress and assembles a fire construct that she sets to burn in mid-air, providing me with reassuring light.
“You would not have this problem in the Silver Hive, not a corner of it is cold.” Celyz tells me while gently helping me extend my legs out.
I grunt in agreement, closing my eyes to internalize the pain. She injects a construct inside my chest and expands it to encompass my upper left torso along with the shoulder.
“I apologize for having cut off my pledge but much of my flow is dedicated to the Hive at the moment and I needed a constant stream to heal you this past day.” Celyz tells me.
“Day?” I blink.
“It would have been unwise to forcefully accelerate the process of the healing construct as it can have undesirable effects like tissue overgrowth. Your flesh has mostly healed but your nerves suffered some damage. Nothing permanent but it required time and rest.” She explains.
“It, hurts.” I tell her, shaking as I take a breath.
“Which is a good sign, even if it might seem counterintuitive.” Celyz replies in a soft voice.
Not what I meant. Nothing is painful, really, really painful. She finishes examining me with her construct and then assembles a wide complicated healing construct that encompasses my entire torso with a few hundred portions of flow.
Celyz curls one of her thin tendrils around a small piece of cloth that she gently uses to wipe the sweat on my forehead and upper chest, just above my breast. I blush from the tender way she takes care of me as I lay there, incapable of doing so myself without likely worsening my state.
The shocks and cramps gradually grow weaker, and less frequent, my breathing becomes easier within minutes. I only relax and take a deep inhalation after the Little one stops injecting its cool substance, when I’m certain that the pain is gone and not merely being masked.
“I apologize for leaving your side.” Celyz says.
“It’s fine.” I reply.
“Evidently not if I go by your state when I came back.” Celyz denies. “I should have sent for Cetyz or Hikyz instead of selfishly going out to make your meal.”
“I’m just a bit… mad. It’s not your fault.” I firmly reply. “I won’t hear otherwise, you big oak.” I add, injecting a bit of humor to avoid sounding like I’m ungrateful for her attentions.
“In what way am I similar to an Oak?” Celyz asks in a quiet voice. I nibble on my lower lip, embarrassed as I didn’t expect her to ask for precision but eager to provide it.
“It is a tall strong beautiful and wise tree.” I reply, carefully reaching up to her ovaloid head with my right hand.
“Ah.” She quietly says, leaning into my palm.
Her rubbery skin feels warm, it’s alternatively rough and soft to the touch. The side of her ovaloid head, the human location of a cheek, is rigid, not entirely solid but definitely not mellow.
“I wish I had the courage to explore you when I had the chance.” I say without thinking, the words running away from my heart in an attempt to reach hers.
“I shall return immediately.” Celyz abruptly tells me, pulling away.
She walks back to the entrance to pick up the clean clothes and food, I don’t move my hand, keeping it in position. It’s hard to keep my arm in mid-air like this but I take it like a woman.
Celyz swiftly returns but hesitates for a long moment, watching my awaiting palm. She does finally deposit the clothes and food on my lap before lowering herself and setting her head back into place with a longing sigh.
“You made the food?” I ask.
“Yes.” Celyz nods just slightly inside my hand. “It is more nutritious with some meat. I do apologize as I’ve ground it down to make it easier for me to feed you while you were mostly unconscious.”
“Did you now?” I whisper, dreamily imagining the scene. “I do feel quite weakened, I should eat.” I add, keeping my hand where it is despite the physical energy it costs me to do so.
“Are you unable to move the symbiont?” Celyz asks after a while, her head clearly angled just high for my body to be outside her range.
“No.” I shake my head, making a timid smile.
I hope that she’ll understand what I’m proposing without forcing me to put it in words. I want to be spoiled a bit, just a little, but I can’t ask for it, especially not of her.
Celyz slowly wraps a tendril around my right forearm to sustain it in its place, allowing me to rest while maintaining contact with her. She then slowly reaches out to one of the bowls and picks it up, using another tendril to take hold of the spoon.
She starts feeding me the liquid food, one spoonful at a time. The fact that her appendage’s tip always points away from me doesn’t seem to impair her dexterity at all. The food tastes rather good but what I value the most is the safety I feel and the warmth that radiates from Celyz’ every careful gesture.
She feeds me three entire bowls during a wonderful half-hour of silence where neither of us says a word or moves any more than necessary. As she puts the platter and utensils away.
I resign myself to pulling my hand back into the cold, yet Celyz’ tendrils gently resist my attempt. She guides my hand down while the rest of her appendages take hold of the clean clothes she got me.
I positively melt in relaxation as she lifts my feet up to slip the pair of pants on and lift it up to my hand for me to pull it to my waist. I struggle a little with a single hand but I have some experience doing that.
She then helps me fit on my shirt by supporting me in a sitting position, her tendrils tragically keeping a wide distance with my breast. Which is sadly a good thing because I do belong to my Lady no matter how strongly I wish I could give myself to both.
“Is it okay to take pride in your affection for me?” I slowly ask as I pull the shirt down over my sleeve glove, which I only now notice has been cleaned of blood.
“You, take pride?” Celyz asks, so baffled that she stumbles on her words.
“I do.” I affirm, smiling at her surprise. “I, haven’t ever had anyone who desired me so… it’s possible that the feeling got away from me a little.”
“Of course it is alright.” She tells me, squeezing my right forearm before letting go.
“Good. It feels like I’m arrogant, and insensitive towards you at times. I’m sorry about that.” I tell her, looking away.
“It is fine, Jessica. We have both been through many events that gave us little time to consider ourselves. I cannot hold it against you.” Celyz reassuringly replies. “Are you feeling better?” She questions.
“A lot.” I nod, shifting to pass my legs over the bed’s frame and sit on it. “How bad a shape was I in?”
“The kind of damage you suffered could have rendered you paralyzed or insensitive.” Celyz apologetically explains. “You will not meet Fenyz again, she is to return to the Izla to prepare our voyage back. She has said that she will not oppose you joining our Hive and even support you were you to maintain your current emotions about the Rykz. She has had to recognize that our troubles are not that of species and that your personality is not one she can honestly despise.”
“She has had to recognize?” I ask, suspicious.
“I may have used an elevated tone of voice to speak with my sister about attempting to murder you by forcefully ripping the symbiont out while it had not the resources to sustain itself after removal.” Celyz tells me in her calm tone of voice, which is characteristic of her concealing more complicated emotions. “I was furious with my sister.” She quietly adds.
“Fenyz doesn’t need to go on my account, or avoid me. I think she’s a bit arrogant but I really don’t dislike her” I hurriedly tell Celyz. “You might not agree with Fenyz, but she isn’t wrong. I haven’t acted honorably towards you.”
“You have insisted that we remain friends. I accepted while doing all I could to seduce you within those bounds.” Celyz shakes her head. “Not to discount that I am the one who took advantage of your fragile state twice.”
“Once to save my life.” I deny. “The Little one and I wanted you in a common accord, we do share a body for now if not a mind or existence.” I pause. “This can’t keep coming up between us, Celyz. Especially not as a way for you to excuse my shitty behavior towards you.”
“I also kept the outcome of the dozen who we attempted to implant with a symbiont from you.” Celyz says shaking her head.
“If you told me then, I would not have seen it as I do now. Both the Rykz and the Empire would be worse off for it if I refused your offer.” I reply. “I knew there was a chance I could have died, you didn’t owe me any more than that at the time.”
“You are now excusing my behavior towards you through other events as well.” Celyz notes.
“Ah.” I hesitantly nod. “I guess, it makes us even?” I awkwardly ask.
“Would you consider that you owe me an explanation?” Celyz questions a bit aggressively in return.
“About?” I wonder with apprehension.
“You said the two of broke up but that you cannot be had.” She says.
“I…” I take a deep breath. “I gave her a choice between me and me and told her we’re done until she makes a decision.”
“Why?” Celyz asks.
“Because she might cling to Elizabeth and never make an actual choice if she remained.” I reply, ashamed about my cold reasoning. “She told me not to do this but since I did, she’s not giving me my freedom.”
“I dislike the way the two of you resolve differences in your relationship.” Celyz tells me. She seems about to continue so I interrupt her, afraid that she would think I like that state of things.
“I don’t either, I take some satisfaction out of it but it seems like it’s all there is and it’s not enough.” I hurriedly say.
“Good, because it seems to be a system ripe for opportunities of abuse.” Celyz notes. “But, it would be exci… fair to settle our score in this way for this issue.” Did she just almost say exciting?
“What do you mean?” I ask, intently watching her tendrils’ every shiver and twirl for clues.
“I offer you the possibility to take full advantage of me, once, as I have you while unconscious.” Celyz whispers.
“I, I can’t do that!” I immediately refuse in a strident voice.
“Yes, Jessica, you can.” Celyz adamantly denies, her appendages swiping the air around her thighs. “You can hold onto your word not to be had but that does not mean you cannot have and I aim to take full advantage of that.”
“I…I…” I blink, struggling to find a proper response.
“I have agreed to be a friend to you so I will not move on you. I can only leave myself open to tempt you to breach that divide. All you have to do is accept if it does.” Celyz tells me, her voice growing timid.
“That’s, true.” Elizabeth says, licking my upper lip. “But I won’t until I do since I assume it’s an open offer.”
“Once.” Celyz nods. “And only if you are tempted.” She repeats, showing her insecurities and her need to ensure I would do it for myself.
“Oh, trust me, I am.” Elizabeth says, shivering from the root of my hair to the bottom of her spine.
Flow 